NIGHT VISION

One of the greatest Life gifts I have received has stemmed from the most challenging times in my life. What sort of gift can come from pain and struggle? For me, it has been this solid piece of knowing: Almost all spiritual growth requires a time of seeming “darkness.”
Why would I consider this a “gift?” It has taken a lot of suffering for me to learn that this sort of darkness is not something to be feared, but to be entered into willingly and with trust that the darkness is making way for new growth, for transformation. Before this realization, darkness was terrifying because I felt alone, vulnerable, and incredibly uncomfortable. And as a result, I usually reacted by doing everything I could to avoid, numb and distract myself from whatever pain I was going through.
But after a particularly long and painful time, following the loss of everything I had come to know as my “life” – an 8-year marriage, my only child, my cozy and comfortable life in the mountains, and my community – I began to feel a presence with me in the darkness of it all. In the midst of my deepest grief, feeling abandoned and betrayed, I spent a lot of time in reflection, prayer and solitude. In these quiet moments, I began to actually hear messages that were comforting and reassuring. Every time, a moment of surrender would precede this sense of presence, “I cannot do this anymore,” I would cry out – many times out loud. “I can’t carry on like this.” And then something would happen – a comforting message would come, the phone would ring with exactly what I needed to hear, or just an overwhelming sense of peace would consume my grief.
Many of these moments occurred outside as I was sharing a very small space with a dear friend who was completely supportive and loving. But I was sensitive to not wanting to burden her constantly with my struggle. And I discovered that moving my body and being in nature alone was quite healing.
It was the coldest winter in 25 years in Illinois (where I was living at the time) and yet I would spend a good portion of each day wandering the woods or crying on the chalk bluffs overlooking the Mississippi River. On these walks, I began having experiences in nature that were so profoundly beautiful and moving that it actually felt as though something greater than myself was holding me. I consider this presence as “divine Love.”
David Whyte has a poem called, “Sweet Darkness” that resonates deeply for me. Here are the verses that touch me most:

…
When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.
Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.
The dark will be your womb
tonight.
The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see…

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything and anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

Perhaps, then, going into the darkness is not about figuring out how to see, but to be seen by Love, which knows the best pace and path for our growth. When we are under the illusion that we are in control of our lives, maybe the blinding of darkness is the most loving thing for our progress in the long run. My experience has been that this “night vision” develops and strengthens over time to be less blindness and a truer sense of vision – spiritual seeing.
A year ago, after coming through another less-intense stretch of darkness, a friend of mine shared something she had read about snakes. Apparently, they go blind right before shedding their skin. In many indigenous cultures and mythologies, snake represents transmutation or transformation. May I continue to be more like the snake, trusting in my blindness that the darkness is caring for me like a “womb,” birthing me into a fresh, new way of being.

Now is the Time

Now is the Time

Now is the time to know
that all that you do is sacred. (1)
~Hafiz

Echoing from a distant past (this poem is many hundreds of years old), Hafiz’s words have taken root in my life, leaving me with some big questions. What would this world be like if we understood that everything we do is sacred? What changes would we experience if we chose to treat everyone as sacred? Can you imagine a world where all of creation is seen by heart – where we meet and greet each other as sacred poems?
Traveling through the Himalayas of India and Nepal, I fell in love with the word namaste. This is a greeting that people use much in the same way that we use “hello” here. But I have come to appreciate this word for its deeper spiritual meaning. An ancient Sanskrit word, namaste breaks into two parts: namas translates as “bowing” and te as “to you.”(2) One definition I have heard used several times is, “That which is divine in me acknowledges and honors that which is divine in you.”
Can you imagine being seen in this way? Hafiz continues in the same poem:

Now is the time to understand
That all your ideas of right and wrong
Were just a child's training wheels
To be laid aside
When you finally live
With veracity
And love.

NOW is the time to “live with veracity and love.” Veracity is defined as “habitual truthfulness,” and is from the root verax meaning “speaking truly.”(3) Can we give each other the gift of speaking truly? Speaking truly is speaking from the heart – allowing love to move upon the waters of your heart and then communicating from that place rather than, and even in spite of, fear.
Looking at our world, with all the apparent despair, suffering, violence and separation, it’s easy to see that (as a whole) we must not be honoring life as sacred. There is a general climate of fear regarding where we are headed as a planet: extraordinary poverty, increasing war and international conflict, starvation, genocide, global warming, etc. And many people feel powerless to do anything about the current state of the world. How can that be? With 5 billion unique individuals with the potential to change this world for the better, how can we still have a world without peace (Nota bene: I realize we are 6 billion strong as a population on this planet – but 1 billion of us do not have the basic needs for survival and therefore conceivably do not have that “potential” available to us at this time).
When we are disconnected from knowing ourselves as expressions of divine Love, we forget our interconnectedness with all life. When we forget our interconnectedness with all life, we forget that we need each other to survive and thrive. When we do not see ourselves and others as sacred, violence is acceptable, even justifiable. Again, from Hafiz (same poem):

Now is the time for the world to know
That every thought and action is sacred.

Every thought and action. Driving to work. Waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store. Getting a cup of coffee. Putting your slippers on. Taking a walk. Responding to a spouse. Answering a question. Holding a crying baby. Washing the dishes. Scraping ice off the car. Raking leaves. How can we think and act in a way that honors all of life as sacred? This is a question I am living in right now.

Now here’s an even more radical concept: how amazing would it be if I treated myself as sacred? Can we even imagine what it is to love ourselves unconditionally, free of judgment and full of loving-kindness? Loving others as we love ourselves (which is an inter-faith concept, not belonging to any one religion) doesn’t count for much if we do not respect and honor ourselves – which is not to be confused with being selfish. And a world of people living undivided lives translates into a world that knows its wholeness, its sacredness.
I need you to honor yourself as sacred. I need you to show up as the succulent, radiant, magnificent sacred poem that you are, so that I may bask in the glow that only you can emit. You are sacred, right now, in this very moment. When you accept this and just let that light shine, others can grow in its radiant warmth.

Now is the time to know that YOU ARE A SACRED POEM. The sacred in me acknowledges and honors the sacred in you . Namaste.



(1) From the poem Now is the Time, in “The Gift” translated by Daniel Ladinsky.
(2)“Oxford American Dictionaries”
(3) ibid

Beginnings

We all have to start somewhere. I have had this blog awaiting my attention now for almost 8 months. Stuck in the perfectionist dance, I have not yet found that "perfect" first post. You know, the ONE that starts it all. But for the past 2 weeks a peculiar word has caught my eye: BEGINNING. It has come up in many conversations, quotes, movies, and emails. To Begin. And isn't this a constant state - that of starting something, entering a new phase, transitioning?

In my life a beginning has always been the loyal friend of an ending. And in this knowing has come a great peace that in the shadow of something coming to a close is usually a beam of light shining from an open door. This pierce of hope shines as a beacon inviting me to step through to the next level, into the next foreign land that holds the mystery of my next life lessons.

My dear friend Webster (and his trusty Dictionary) tells me that one definition of "beginning" is "to come into being." And so it is, I find myself back in this fluid place of "being and becoming." No stagnancy. No certainty. Nothing going stale here!

In some indigenous traditions turkey vulture teaches us about death and rebirth. Where I live, these birds hover and twirl on the coastal breezes. Gratefully, I am often reminded that there is never an ending that is not serving as food for a beginning, a new birth. The dance of letting go and taking flight. The rhythm of soaring and grounding. The balance of being and becoming.

So maybe this is the perfect (there's that word again) introduction to what I dream this blog can be: a space of exploration* and dis-covering (as my friend Kyle likes to say) more of what this journey of being and becoming is all about.

I invite you to share sips of what I am drinking in along the way. May you find some refreshment for your own soul travels. I am delighted and honored to have you join me on this JOURNEY...


*"exploration - the action of traveling in or through an unfamiliar area in order to learn more about it" (Oxford American Dictionaries, online)